Well, that didn’t go the way I expected! Most things go the way I expect, it’s the nature of the job I’m in, well, my husband and I of course. I know, most people would be shocked at such a well-known person as myself in this neighborhood. I can usually be found in the nicer end of town, with the other merchants. After all, my family has been there as far back as we can remember, selling our dyes around the world. You’ve seen emperors and kings wearing the purple that only they can afford, woven from thread dyed in our vats. Our people have sailed around the world for hundreds of years as successful merchants because of the sea shells in our waters. Everyone has heard of my people, and most folks welcome our traders with open arms!
I wish I could say the same for our neighbors. Those troublesome Hebrews who think they are
the center of the universe. They have
sneered at our Gods, knocked over our altars, and been a quarrelsome bunch ever
since they arrived. They’ve caused
nothing but trouble for our greatest heros, too. You’ve heard of Goliath, right? So tall and so mighty a warrior that he could
end wars and battles just by walking onto the field. Sure prevented a lot of unnecessary bloodshed
in his day. At least he did, until some
pipsqueak had a lucky shot with a slingshot.
And just a kid, if I remember rightly.
And our most famous heroine also helped prevent wars. Remember, Delilah, right? She used her brains
and beauty, and even her hair dresser to stop one of their fiercest warriors in
his tracks. What was his name again? S
something, and stories said he had a whole lifetime of bad hair days until she
fixed him up. So if I’ve got height and
smarts, I’ve come by it naturally, with such noble ancestors as that!
So when my housemaids were gossiping instead of doing their
duties, I eavesdropped before giving my usual scolding. Turns out it was a good thing. One of their countrymen was in town for a
visit, a Hebrew man and his friends. The
leader of the group was some kind of faith healer, and judging from the gossip
of the girls, much more effective than the run of the mill shysters and snake
oil salesmen we usually see around here.
We’ve seen our share of the medics, healers, doctors and priests these
last eight years. My husband used to go
down to the docks when our trade ships came in, hoping that some Greek-trained
doctor might be able to help. We even
turned to the Roman surgeons with their leeches and blood-letting, but those
Roman fellows are more handy with a saw than a potion. We borrowed the Governor’s personal
physician, too. No one helped. They
tried, goodness knows, but they all gave up in the end, except the ones who kept
promising better results with larger amounts of gold. We gave up on them long before they gave up
on us. Like my husband says, “Never
match wits with a Phoenician.”
The bizarre thing the girls said is that this guy never
asked for payment. Inconceivable! They
always want something. Every last one of
them have their hand out for something.
And as my husband says, “you get what you pay for”, especially when it
comes to healers. But this time it felt
like a sign. My husband had told me just
this morning that he was tired of throwing good money after bad and we had just
better get used to the fact that no one knew how to help our daughter.
I was heartbroken, of course, and went straight to my
daughter’s room. It didn’t help that she
was in the throes of another fit. They
seem to be getting stronger the older she gets, and it’s everything we can do
to keep her from biting her tongue clean through, or to keep servants around to
help take care of her.
So like I said, it felt like a godsend when I heard the
girls gossiping, and I had a pretty good idea where I’d find them, in one of
the bigger houses in the Hebrew neighborhood.
So I put on my most subdued shawl, they have some crazy notion that
women should keep their heads covered, and made my way here.
I’m not sure what I expected, but I didn’t expect the look
of hostility I got when I walked into the room.
I’m used to my gold rings and fine clothes bringing me a good deal of
respect, especially amongst people like them.
They smelled of fish and sheep, for goodness sake! It was immediately obvious to me who the
leader was, he held himself like a temple priest, with dignity and quiet
authority. I didn’t care, if he could
fix my daughter, I didn’t care what they thought of me, or my people, or my
gods or my temples or my employment. The
only thing that mattered was my daughter!
I guessed that money would not buy this man’s help, but I
could not believe him calling me a dog! Or my people dogs! I said the first
thing that came to mind, “Even the dogs get crumbs from the children’s table!”
As soon as I said it, I knew that my big mouth had doomed my
daughter. These Hebrew men don’t like
their women to talk to them in public, and with such disrespect, too. I started to cry in anger and fear and
helplessness. My husband was right. She was doomed through no fault of her
own. Then he touched my shoulder. I looked up, and saw him, really saw him for
the first time. This man, this teacher,
he looked tired, like the whole world was on his shoulders, like he had to
carry a burden far too big for him, like he could see into the future and what
he saw there was not pleasant. Like he
was trying to heal everyone in the short time he had left. I could feel goosebumps at his gaze.
He smiled sadly at me.
For a moment it felt like we were the only people in the room and we had
both forgotten to breathe. “So many
children, so many lost, and sick and dying children,” he whispered. “So many mothers risking their lives and
their hearts to find hope for their children.”
He said my daughter is healed because of I dared to challenge
him. I believe him, even though I
haven’t gone home yet. And once I get back,
I’m going to see what I can do to help those other children who are lost, sick
or abandoned. My servant girls can help,
now that my daughter is going to be okay.
I hope he comes back, or his followers.
It’s not just about me after all.
Sometimes we need to challenge our leaders, and sometimes we need to see
a bigger story. There’s so much to do,
and so much to learn. He can’t do it all
himself, and if I can take some of that burden from his shoulders, I will have
done a good thing. It’s the least I can
do.
The Pillow Method
I was introduced to this communication tool during
an Interpersonal Communications course I attended at my University. The Pillow
Method was reportedly developed by a group of Japanese school children and
first reported by writer Paul Reps in the book Square Sun, Square Moon
published in 1967. Its purpose is to help boost empathy or find merit in
another’s position. The name comes from the analogy that a pillow has four
sides and a middle, just like all problems. By working though each side of the
problem, viewing an issue from each perspective, we should be able to find
value in another’s perspective.
I've created a visual to illustrate the method and positions and attached to this blog.. In the center I placed a symbol synonymous with finding direction, a compass rose. In this case I have used the Numbers one through four instead of north, south, east, and west to signify where to begin and which direction to move toward.
Position 1: I’m Right, You’re Wrong. This is the perspective most of us default to when we view an idea or hear a differing point of view. It is the perspective that we believe and have faith in, and requires little effort for us to understand. As a metaphor I have used the yellow circle with the green border to signify “I’m right.” The blue circle with the red border and cross hash symbolizes “You’re wrong.”
Position 2: You’re Right, I’m Wrong. In this position we must play devil’s advocate and begin looking for flaws in our own perspective. It also requires us to find the strengths in the other’s position or view. This is often the most difficult task to accomplish However, the fact that we can understand another’s position does mean we have to approve of it. Position 2 is represented by the same metaphors of Position 1, but are reversed in this case.
Position 3: Both Right, Both Wrong. Once arriving at the third position we should be able to acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses of both perspectives. Each side has merit and flaws. More importantly, we should be able to identify commonalities between our positions. Position 3 is represented on the pillow with two yellow and green circles and two blue and red circles. We now have a broader view than we previously had.
Position 4: The Issue Isn’t as Important as It Seems. In this view we may find that we have made the issue out to be bigger than it truly is. Even in the most severe or traumatic events the effects of the dispute will eventually lesson or fade away. I have used the same yellow and blue circles to signify this position. In this case they surround question marks as if asking “What were we arguing about?”
Position 5: There Is Truth in All Four Perspectives. The process of looking at an issue from these four positions should yield the idea that most disagreements contain both right and wrong elements. Whether or not we have reached agreement, we are able find merit or understating of an opposing position. This is the middle ground. I have used the Japanese script for “Truth” to signify this position and to give appreciation to the young Japanese children who have been credited with The Pillow Method.
I've created a visual to illustrate the method and positions and attached to this blog.. In the center I placed a symbol synonymous with finding direction, a compass rose. In this case I have used the Numbers one through four instead of north, south, east, and west to signify where to begin and which direction to move toward.
Position 1: I’m Right, You’re Wrong. This is the perspective most of us default to when we view an idea or hear a differing point of view. It is the perspective that we believe and have faith in, and requires little effort for us to understand. As a metaphor I have used the yellow circle with the green border to signify “I’m right.” The blue circle with the red border and cross hash symbolizes “You’re wrong.”
Position 2: You’re Right, I’m Wrong. In this position we must play devil’s advocate and begin looking for flaws in our own perspective. It also requires us to find the strengths in the other’s position or view. This is often the most difficult task to accomplish However, the fact that we can understand another’s position does mean we have to approve of it. Position 2 is represented by the same metaphors of Position 1, but are reversed in this case.
Position 3: Both Right, Both Wrong. Once arriving at the third position we should be able to acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses of both perspectives. Each side has merit and flaws. More importantly, we should be able to identify commonalities between our positions. Position 3 is represented on the pillow with two yellow and green circles and two blue and red circles. We now have a broader view than we previously had.
Position 4: The Issue Isn’t as Important as It Seems. In this view we may find that we have made the issue out to be bigger than it truly is. Even in the most severe or traumatic events the effects of the dispute will eventually lesson or fade away. I have used the same yellow and blue circles to signify this position. In this case they surround question marks as if asking “What were we arguing about?”
Position 5: There Is Truth in All Four Perspectives. The process of looking at an issue from these four positions should yield the idea that most disagreements contain both right and wrong elements. Whether or not we have reached agreement, we are able find merit or understating of an opposing position. This is the middle ground. I have used the Japanese script for “Truth” to signify this position and to give appreciation to the young Japanese children who have been credited with The Pillow Method.
Attached
Thumbnails
Position 1: I’m Right, You’re Wrong.
Position 2: You’re Right, I’m Wrong.
Position 3: Both Right, Both
Wrong.
Position 4: What’s the bigger picture?
Position 5: There Is Truth in
All Four Sides
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