It almost sounds like that was what John was feeling when
he came face to face with Jesus. He had
been preaching that people needed to take a really good look at themselves with
honesty and vulnerability. And folks flocked
to be baptised in the Jordan River. It
became a moment of epiphany for many people and a symbol of freedom.
John baptised them when they came ready to be honest about
their flaws and failings. Often times
people might think that confession is meant to make us feel guilty or ashamed
of who we are. Certainly some churches
do seem to preach shame and guilt when they talk about confession. But it was more like if you go through your
week gathering stones in your backpack, stones of broken promises, hurt
feelings, maybe a little conflict here and there, and what people call trauma
incidents. You know, where the boss
complains about an e-mail misspelling you made and you go home and yell at your
cat kind of thing. Or you watch the news
and see stories of invasions, shootings and global warming. The more stones we
carry of mistakes, hurts, problems, worries, anxieties, fear and anger, the
heavier we feel and we don’t even know it.
The more rocks in our backpack, the more likely we are to yell, cry,
panic or run away. In modern coaching
and leadership training, it’s called “going below the line”. Simply put, the line is fear; when we go
below the line, as Brene Brown puts it, we let fear take control. Fear is in the driver seat of our car. When we are above the line, we may feel fear,
but it’s not driving us. We are still in
control of where we are going. Sometimes
our fear manifests as anger, part of the fight-flight response. The more likely we feel like we can control a
situation, the more likely we are to throw our weight around, yell, or ‘know”
that we’re right and everyone else is stupid.
We see this in what’s happening around us today. People who are angry about immigrants taking
jobs or Toronto being uppity or Ottawa cheating us out of what we think we are
entitled to, may be acting that way because they are afraid of losing their
jobs or not having enough money when they retire. So, they fight. Sometimes our fear makes us avoid
conflict. Sometimes our fear makes us
freeze up. We don’t know what to say or
do, and it’s only until after the conversation is over that we think of what we
could have said. There’s also fawn. That’s where we look for someone who is
strong, powerful and clear in what he or she thinks is right. We cozy up to that person and hope that they
will keep us safe. History shows that a
culture where fear and anger towards the other is encouraged, ordinary people
elect dangerous dictators like Hitler and the violence spirals out of
control. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, are
all biological responses to when we feel threatened, and they are how our
ancestors survived encounters with sabre-toothed tigers. They are normal.
That’s how John could have reacted when Jesus showed
up. He was starting to slide into
fear. “I’m an imposter. I’m not good enough. You are going to take away my job. You are going to take away my audience.” It’s a natural fear-based response to a sense
of scarcity. Jesus didn’t go there. He didn’t say, “John, you worthless
second-rate has-been, I’m moving into the neighborhood, and taking over from
you, go find a new crowd elsewhere. I’m
the real boss and you can either kiss my feet or move on.” No, he reminded John of why he and John were
there, to honor God. He went back to
their mission. “Let’s do what’s proper
to fulfill God’s Justice.” It was all
about his big why, and John’s big why.
Bringing people out of the fight, flight, freeze and faun responses into
abundant life. Helping people let go of
their backpacks of anger and fear, the shame, blame, broken promises, hurt
feelings, conflict and trauma responses.
Lightening their loads.
Two wrongs never make a right. Two people using force to
get their way never make peace. Two sides arguing that the other is a villain
without redemption doesn't build respect. Two actions based in greed doesn't
build trust. Two decisions based in fear doesn't establish love. Jesus and John built two understandings, two mutual
feelings of respect, two views of generosity, two experiences of teamwork. They found they could respect each other,
trust each other and do the work God called them to do. When they did that, God showed up in dramatic
fashion and said, “well done, you are my beloved servant”.
Humble confidence is the goal. Staying above the line is the goal. Not letting fear fill our backpacks. Not letting us get so filled up with anger,
judgement, resentments, hurts and guilt that we can’t move. Facing ourselves with compassion so that we
can be gentler with ourselves and others.
AA calls it taking a fearless inventory.
We in the Christian Church call it confession. It’s all about learning to internalize the idea
that God reconciles and makes us new.
That we are healed by God’s healing waters so we can love and serve
others like Jesus and John did, together with trust and respect. And when we do, God shows up and says, “these
are my beloved children with whom I am well pleased.” May it be so for us all. Amen.
