Wedding Invite

 Trigger warning: the scripture includes references to violence, and there are comments about the current Middle East Crisis. 

When was the last time you got a wedding invitation?  Did you get it in the mail?  Did you get it on Facebook, or even through an e-mail?  Now the world is so different that people don’t even have to attend a ceremony in person anymore, they can watch it from the comfort of their own homes.  Things have changed a lot, even in the past five years.

And how did you decide whether or not you were going to accept that invitation? Did you make the decision based on how well you liked the couple, or how well you knew the family?  How did you feel if you heard that a wedding was happening to a family member yet you weren’t invited?

In the parable of the wedding a lot of people were invited but made excuses to avoid the party.  What a curious thing.  How could someone turn down such an invitation?  But the story was about just that.  The ruler got panicky and started bringing in everyone he could find.  Rather like the recent installation of the new president of Athabasca University, the invitation to the community reception was thrown wide to anyone within earshot.  “Fill that Hall”, the king demanded and the servants scurried around to do their best to do just that.

There’s an uncomfortable theme of violence in this story when the King orders servants to retaliate against the city who killed his employees.  Massacres like these are on our news feeds and TVs this week and they horrify us anew.  Jesus throwing this little detail into the story is disturbing to say the least. 

The massacre part of the story would probably not have shocked his listeners though.  Kings were a part of the honor code of the middle east culture of the time.  They had to protect their reputations and show strength at all times.  If someone insulted another person, the insult had to be addressed immediately and aggressively to prevent appearing weak.  If a king was insulted, it would be justification to him for starting a war.  People knew that a war could start at any time and that innocent lives would be sacrificed for the honor of a king they never knew.  An example of this was Herod the Great, in power before Jesus, who had a reputation of being so tough on his enemies, he even executed his wife and sons for treacherous plots based on manufactured evidence.  He was known as a brutal leader who assassinated anyone who threatened his power.  This was normal politics back then.

The shock of the story for the listeners would not have been the violence, but the king’s insistence on inviting everyone else for the wedding banquet.  He may have started with inviting other royalty, people who were the same status of him, but then he got creative.  He thought outside of the box and invited people who didn’t measure up, who didn’t have the appropriate status, who shouldn’t be in a royal dining room bumping elbows with their betters.  It would be like Elon Musk being turned down by Bill Gates, going out to the local Walmart and insisting that everyone in the store come to his gala party.  This is the surprise twist, the punch line that would have surprised the followers of Jesus.  This is the shock that they would have remembered when they shared the story with family and friends.

That picture of royalty eating with commoners predates the Magna Carta by about 1200 years.  It predates the U.S. Declaration of Independence that all men are created equal by more than 1700 years.  It predates the Canadian Act of Union’s call for Peace, Order and Good Government by 1800 years.  And it planted the seed for all those documents, as well as the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights adopted in the 1940’s.

Equality was a founding principle of Christianity.  Everyone was to be able to sit and break bread together.  The feeding of the 5000 was a scandal because it erased patriarchal hierarchy at meals.  The early church as described in Acts and other scriptures was a community where all ate together as equals.  Paul’s letter reminds people that God doesn’t want us to hold grudges, God wants us to stay on track, focusing on what is truly important, a community that celebrates and rejoices in fellowship with God.

In Canada, we have been living without murderous kings for a very long time.  We have lived with democracy.  We have universal human rights, we kno that war crimes will be prosecuted, that torture is no longer acceptable, that discrimination is not the hallmark of a healthy society.  We take for granted that the worst of oppressive, bullying behavior can be addressed appropriately in a court of law.  Or I should say, we can take this for granted if we are English or French-speaking people with pink skin.  Even in Canada, not everyone can take these rights for granted.  We need to remember that all are invited to the banquet without regard of their age, race, ethnicity, ability, sexual orientation, gender identity, family structure or any other factors.

How do we respond to the violence and mayhem in our world?  As Dr. Alex Clarke said during his inaugural speech at AU, we need to hold fast to our own North Star, the values we hold near and dear. As Paul said, Stay on track, steady in God.  In United Church words, deepen your spirituality, be bolder in your discipleship and practice acts of daring justice with joy and thanksgiving.  Let other people see your joy and ask how you find it in these challenging times.  Join the Barrhead bible study online.  Take the prayer practices we do here and incorporate them into your days.  Think deeply about what your values are.  And join our faith community in making a difference in the lives of those who need to hear good news.  Draw our circle of love and hope and joy wider with every day.  May it be so with us all. Amen

Swords and Dishes

Ever been embarrassed in public by a family member?  I will never forget the day someone in my family asked my cousins how to teach me to dress properly.  I’m sure I turned bright red with embarrassment.  I couldn’t have been more than 6 or 8 years old, but that incident stuck in my memory.  

Family gatherings can be like that.  “Can you tell so and so how they should behave?” can sound like an innocent comment but is really an attempt to shame the other person in public.  How embarrassing it is to hear that.  It is also very common.

Which is why the Mary and Martha story is so relatable.  It sounds like a typical argument between two sisters.  I imagine that Martha was the first-born child, used to acting in a parental role, taking charge and making sure everything got done just right.  And Mary was the youngest child who got spoiled by doting parents and was not good at the practical aspects of day-to-day living.

It came to a head when Jesus showed up for a visit. Martha was determined to show good hospitality.  That was a core value of her faith.  Stories going back as far as Abraham and Sarah taught about the importance of hospitality.  Without hospitality, being a wanderer in the wilderness could easily lead to starvation and even death.  But Martha was also focused on herself and her tasks.  She mentioned herself several times, “My sister, me, and me.”  The only thing she wanted Jesus to do was join her side and use his authority to correct her sister’s inappropriate behavior.  And she claimed Jesus was being uncaring, hoping to get him to take her side.  This is classic manipulation and triangulation.  Trying to get a third party to do the communication that she would not have with her sister.  Some psychologists would go even further and describe this as bullying behavior.

It's subtle bullying that leaves the target feeling shamed and embarrassed and uncertain how to react.  Mary never said a word in her defense, she might have been as shocked and ashamed as I was at my family gathering.  Words like these can leave us speechless!

We have no idea of why Mary did what she did leading up to Martha’s comments.  Was she rebelling against Martha’s expectations, deliberately sitting down with the men, and daring Martha to complain?  Was she putting Jesus on the spot by acting like an equal to the disciples?  Or was she just mesmerized by what he was saying, forgetting what she should be doing and dropping everything to sit and listen? 

Even today, the Marys and Marthas of the world can experience deep shame around housekeeping and expectations.  If you watched the CBC show “Back in Time for Dinner”, you may remember the mother saying that the 1950’s with its expectations of domestic perfection made it the worst decade for women.  And there is still a lot of shaming around housework.  This week I read, “How to Keep House While Drowning” by KC Davis.  She is a psychologist and a mother of two; the youngest was born during Covid lockdowns.  She struggled with post partum depression with her first, so wanted to prevent that by having a friend help with cleaning, other moms with babysitting swaps and so on.  All that fell apart when Covid struck.  And when she shared how she was doing, she was told that she was lazy because she didn’t get the dishes and laundry done every day.  There was no sympathy for living with depression or mental illness.  So, she wrote a book about housekeeping and talked about the outer messages that fed her inner bully. It lives in our heads and can be louder than real people because it doesn’t stop. It can trigger depression, anxiety, and shame.  That inner bully which sounds a lot like Martha, can leave us vulnerable to mental illness. 

And lest we think this is a problem that only women face, there’s a wonderful book called “Becoming the Kind Father” by Calvin Sandborn.  He also writes about the inner bully who shames men for showing emotion, vulnerability, gentleness, or any number of things our society has decided men shouldn’t be.   That toxic idea is probably what led to the sword attack we heard about in Athabasca this week.  Both Sandborn, Davis and others like Brene Brown write about how destructive the inner bully is. 

Comments like “Tell my son he shouldn’t cry”, or as in today’s scripture, “tell my sister she should be helping me in the kitchen” feed the inner bully until it destroys souls, families, and marriages.

Jesus says to all of us, “You are anxious about many things.   But it’s time to quiet the inner bully and love yourself and your family instead of feeding shame and blame.

We are called as Christians to convert our inner bully to an inner Christ.  A gentle, loving voice that changes shame and blame words into love and support.  It takes time, but it is possible.  We do that when we admit that we are not perfect, that we feel overwhelmed at times by all we feel pressured to be and do.  Martha was called to be hospitable, but not to the point that she forgot the love she had for Mary.  Her sister was called to learn from Jesus, but not to the point that she neglected her sister.  Both were called to listen to Jesus’ message to love each other, pray for each other and not to lose track of their relationship with him.  We too are called to listen to Jesus’ message of love and compassion.  It’s why we say a prayer of confession and hear words of comfort and assurance on Sundays, to calm our inner bullies. When we replace those inner bullies with Christ’s peaceful, loving words and vision, we can heal ourselves and our world.  May it be so for us all.

Dancing Queen

Ooh ooh, see that girl, watch that scene, dig it the Dancing Queen!

When I was a teen, every girl I knew liked to sing that song, and the last time I heard Abba at a Karaoke bar, it was the one that all the ladies of a certain age got up to sing and dance to.  We all wanted to be that girl, the one who could be a teaser one moment and gone the next.  It was all innocent fun, and we didn’t really know what we were doing, but did like moving to the beat of the tambourine.  When we got the chance, we imagined we were the best dancer in the place.

We were probably a bit like Herod’s daughter, dancing without really knowing what we were doing or the ramifications of our actions.  That one thing can lead to another, and what might seem like innocent fun can lead to unexpected consequences, like someone’s head delivered on a plate.  Dangerous, stark and ugly.

Dancing is a powerful thing.  It brings out the best and the worst in people.  David’s first wife Micah, destroyed her marriage with David by her scathing comment about his dancing.  And I’m not sure that David’s dancing was completely above board either.  Bringing the ark of the Covenant into Jerusalem was an act of political consolidation of power for the new young king, doing his part to show his loyalty and respect to the God of his people.  But David danced first and foremost out of joy and love and honor to his God.  He wasn’t thinking about what other people might think, or what he should have been wearing or if he was getting the steps right.  He just danced.

All too often we are suspicious of art and artists.  My daughter has heard all her life that an arts degree is a great piece of paper useful for taking people’s orders in restaurants, because art doesn’t pay.  Music and art teachers are the first to be downsized whenever education cutbacks are announced, and creativity is seen as something only famous actors or painters or singers can do.  Us average people have to put meals on our tables and make sure the electrical bills get paid, something that artists can’t do.  

Kids are different. It is fascinating watching children paint, like the preschoolers we had at the church.  They just do it, they don’t ask ‘what’s it good for?” or “Who will buy this piece of art?” They do it because it is fascinating and for a moment they forget where they are in the joy of moving color around and watching it swirl and mix.

But asking grown-ups to paint or dance or sing and we get all defensive, think about the groceries that we need to shop for, the laundry that needs folding, the weeding that has to be done or anything else that we can use as a reason to avoid putting color on paper.  We’ve become too worried about what the neighbors like Micah might think.  It must have a purpose, and if it doesn’t have one, then it’s a waste of time.

And no wonder.  Art, done wrong, can lead to violence and death, something we saw when the Charlie Hebdo magazine was attacked by extremists.  Dance can be done to manipulate someone, as what happened when Salome danced for her step father at his birthday banquet.

That’s the message I heard at an Alliance Church once.  They seemed very nice and friendly people, the theology wasn’t terribly different than what I expected, but they did talk about dance.  In their tradition, it was not allowed.  Like the Mennonites, they believed that dance was profoundly sinful because of its’ sexual content.  So, by banning dancing, they hoped to discourage young dancing queens from exploring the dangers of living passionately and artistically.

I couldn’t join such a church.  To me there is something profoundly beautiful and creative and vulnerable about dancing, and if David could do it without the Ark smiting him like it smote others who stepped out of line, then it was okay and even holy.

Intentionality is crucial.  When dance is done to manipulate people for individual gain, then we are no better than Herold and Salome, and we can get mixed up in sordid things that degrade the souls of the dancers and the watchers just as Herod was degraded by his unhealthily fascination by his step-daughter.  When dance is done in joy for what God has done or is doing, or as a call to action or justice then it can be a stirring healing moment.  It can bring out the best in us and the worst in us, but it’s up to us to ask ourselves deeply searching questions about why we do it.

I used to take beginner bellydancing classes.  At first it was to improve my fitness levels, then I had my first recital.  The steps were basic and the choreography was not too complex, but getting up on the stage in front of other dance students was so hard that half our class dropped out.  And yet, stepping out of my comfort zone was truly a way of honoring God as my creator who gifted me with my two feet and my love of rhythm.  When we explore our playfulness, we can learn to be more confident and honest about who we are.  In this day where so many Herods rule the world without regard to the prophets who speak truth to power, we need people who are brave, creative, intentional and theologically able to see the Herods as desperate people clutching at power, certain that it is the only road to their own private peace.  Maybe if they gave themselves a chance to be playful instead of pompous, God’s beloved community would be more evident in the world.  Dancing for God is the most counter revolutionary thing we can do.  David’s dance reminded him that God was in charge.  Maybe if Herod had danced in vulnerability like David, history would have been a very different thing.

Gotta Get them All

Christmas eve 2016 sermon

Interesting how stories and rumors evolve.  Our scripture today is a familiar one, but did you notice, there are no tales of how the sheep and the cows were there.  We assume they were, but that part of the story has been added on over the years.  No talking either, sorry Kermit, but it’s a lovely idea and it points to God’s Dream.

I had a dream this summer.  I wanted to lure in teenagers and young adults to church so that they would find it meaningful to be here on Christmas eve.  I asked one young adult how to make this happen and he said, “make the church a Pokestop!”

For those of you who know what a pokestop is, you know that’s easier said than done. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a place where you can find a wild pokemon and catch it.  What’s a pokemon? It’s a little creature that has been around for 20 years now, a pocket monster, and very cute but fierce when in a fight.

Well, it’s not as old as Star Wars, and certainly not as old as Kermit, but it has a universal appeal.  Who wouldn’t want a cute little creature that is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand, smart enough to not need paper training, and loyal to a fault.  Whether it is the famous Pikachu, Far-Fetched or Mr. Mime, they attracted 231 million people in the month of June alone.  What church wouldn’t like that popularity?

Now I could have spent money and bought a lure for Christmas eve, but that seems rather manipulative and sneaky.  And while all of creation is welcome in God’s dream and so that means all creatures are welcome in God’s church, I wouldn’t want Team Rocket to come blasting in here to battle us all.  Fights are the opposite of God’s dream for the world.

But surprisingly enough, when I thought about it, we already are like the game.  The church is what would be a Pokémon centre, a healing place to recharge.  We are also a Pokémon gym, where people can come to train and strengthen their Pokémon and help them level up. 

But wait a minute, we have no pocket monsters here, right? Are you sure?  Remember that they can be found anywhere, they are loyal protectors, and that they need to be trained and given experience in order to grow and mature.  They are quite small, and are always with you wherever you go.  The more you use them, the better they become at strengthening you and protecting you from the trials and worries of life.

Right now, they are desperately needed.  Our year of 2016 has been a rollercoaster for many of our families and friends.  We could use a little more protection, a little more connection, a team to help us work through the challenges we face.  It seems like that peace on earth, that big dream of God’s, is even rarer than ever.  What could help us get through our days?

They are something rather old-fashioned, that’s been around for a long time, that has been a part of many legends and stories, and has been the inspiration of quests and adventures.  One CBC guest said this week that they are desperately needed to help our world survive.  And they’ve been on the endangered species list for a long time.  Disregarded, disrespected, laughed at, sneered at and generally ignored.  But our best stories have been inspired by them. 

Whether it’s Star Wars or the Star of Bethlehem, they have been at the core of the best of humanity and when people are at their worst, they are conspicuously absent.

They are simply put, values.  Good old fashioned values.  There’s lots of them, you probably know some already.  We light candles in advent to four of them: Hope,  Peace, Joy, and Love.  What about Respect? Kindness? Honesty? Compassion?  Some of them have old-fashioned names like Temperance which could help prevent fentanyl deaths, or charity which would help the food banks.  Some of them were used by the ancient knights, like courage or respect for people who are weak or poor or vulnerable.  Our bible is like a pokedex with many examples, and they are all gifts: wisdom, knowledge, faith, leadership and more.

Values are tiny, and hard to see.  They need to be nurtured and trained to get stronger.  They need to be tested with others.   They need encouragement and support.  And they can grow mightily. 

We need them more than ever.  What would the American Election have been like if everyone had used truth?  Look at the difference compassion and hospitality made to the folks fleeing the forest fires last summer?  If God’s dream is to be realised, where greed and anger and resentment and pride will be defeated, it will be because we remembered to reclaim the gifts we have been given, our own collection of loyal defenders and protectors and guides who help us do right.  It will be because we have respected those guides, trained them, healed them, nurtured them and found places to help them get stronger.  It will be because we have learned how to use them to make this world closer to God’s dream of peace on earth, good will to all.  And that is something all of us can rejoice in!