Longing for acceptance

Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how I have longed to gather your children together and you were not willing!  How much anguish there is in that simple statement, so much despair and love combined.  Jesus reaches out to a community that disrespects him, disregards his message and does not want to receive the gift of love and healing he offers them.  But even though he disagrees with them, he does not talk about violence towards them, he does not threaten them with destruction or punishment.  He speaks not from hate or fear or racism or religious intolerance of another faith, but from a sense of community.  These are his people, they are hurting and don’t know it, they are hungry and are not aware of it.

They don’t want to be a part of his group, they want to be stand-offish and aloof from what he is offering.  Some of them are political bullies and are quite happy with the power they have and will do anything to keep that power.  They will even manipulate and trick the government of the time into executing Jesus, an innocent man.

We talked last week about how all humans need control in their lives and the importance of having an awareness of our need for control so that we don’t use it in destructive ways, by micromanaging or dictating, but also that we don’t abdicate our responsibility to use control wisely and appropriately.  There are times when we need to control ourselves, or to provide appropriate guidance for others.  But most importantly, we need to become aware of the dynamics of control – when we are being too passive or when we are being too controlling.

Today’s scriptures speak to another human need, that of inclusion.  That too is a continuum.  There are folks who want to include everybody and want to be included by everybody.  There are also folks who don’t want to include anyone or be included by anyone. 

Groucho Marx once famously said, “I refuse to join any club who would have me as a member”.  He and others pride themselves in being self-sufficient, or above the need for human connection.  Maybe they’ve been burned by previous groups, and don’t want to risk being hurt or manipulated.  The other extreme is the person who wants to be included in every single group they hear of, and how they are so desperate to be accepted that they alienate the very people they are trying to impress.  They talk too much, or nod too much or agree too much.  The scariest book I ever read was called “That Hideous Strength”, about how people did anything to become part of the inner circle, the in group.  We see this in young people who join gangs with violent initiation rites, or froshing rituals in university groups.  Maybe we can even see that in people who are so desperate to be important and powerful that they commit atrocities like the one in New Zealand. Their lust to be accepted has been so strong that they commit acts of violence.

Being a lone wolf can be just as unhealthy.  I remember struggling to be accepted in elementary school where some of the kids would bully anyone different.  There are countless movies about the underdog who wins acceptance, or who realizes how powerless the bullies are, or gets revenge on them.  But an underdog can become arrogant as a way of dealing with the rejection they experience.  Groucho Marx’s quote might be fueled by his experience of being an outsider who became desirable only after he became famous.

Paul wanted a community that included people, that practiced hospitality, inclusion and acceptance the way he had been welcomed and included.  He had been eager to prove himself to the political powers in Jerusalem by persecuting the first followers of Christ. 

When he experienced his loss of sight on the road to Damascus, he was accepted into the homes of Christians who healed not just his eyes but his desperate longing to connect, to find approval, to feel sanctified and loved.  He wanted to share that same experience of healing and hospitality with everyone he met and travelled far and wide to do so.  But even he drew the line.  People who played politics for their own safety regardless of how that impacted others were labeled as enemies of the Cross.  People who were only interested in material things, filling their bellies, only focused on the here and now were worshiping their appetites, ‘Their God is their belly’.  They who wanted to be seen as glorious or special or admirable were labeled as shameful, and for those who pretended to be religious but were actually more interested in their own status as intellectuals were also seen as enemies of the cross.

We are called to be radically inclusive, to practice hospitality in the name of Jesus who ate with prostitutes, sinners, tax collectors, the poor and the disenfranchised.  We are called to be sensitive to the needs of other people to be included in our community in ways that work for them, not by smothering them with more love than they can handle, nor by ignoring those who look or act or dress differently that we do.  We are called to be aware of when our own needs for inclusion may become unhealthy and come at the expense of others.  We are called to love our neighbors and pray for our enemies for they too are human beings.  For God so loved the world, the Bible says, and we are to love the world, warts and all.  Some days this is easier said than done.  But I hope we can find the courage together to stand against hate, to challenge fear-mongering, to speak against the trend to polarize communities into ‘us’ versus ‘them’.  We need to speak out and challenge assumptions of entitlement or superiority when we hear them. 

Maybe if someone in Grafton, New South Wales had spoken up, 49 people in New Zealand would still be alive today.  I’ve never been to Grafton, but I’ve stayed in Brisbane which was nearby, and walked the streets of Christchurch.  The people there are decent, hard-working folks not that different from us.  But hatred grew in one young boy’s soul, for whatever reason, until he thought that he had a right to destroy others.  May we find ways to use our words and actions wherever we encounter those who hunger for inclusion in such destructive ways.  May we be a beacon of hope and courage to challenge the world like Jesus challenged Jerusalem.  May it be so for us all.