Biblical Marriage?

Next time someone tells you that they believe in biblical marriage, ask them if they've read the first chapter of the first book of Samuel. Don't you just love this description of biblical marriage? Elkanah has two wives, Peninnah and Hannah. How's that working for him? Not at all well. His first wife was very fertile and brought Elkanah many children. It helps if we remember that in this time of surviving in a desert region, children were a man's labor force to generate wealth and a sustainable lifestyle. They were his pension plan, his RSP, his property insurance and his senior's citizen lodge. No pressure! Elkanah had enough children. by his first wife Peninnah that he felt secure financially for the future. And maybe that's why he had two wives. I assume that Hannah was the younger, prettier one, but it doesn't go into that much detail. Certainly it's similar to the Bookseller of Kabul, where he guts established as a successful businessman with his wife's help then gets another one.

Then the bullying begins, Peninnah nags and  ridicules and intimidates Hannah until Hannah's self-esteem is in tatters. Elkanah tries to comfort Hannah but he never tells Peninnah to stop it. He might even add to Peninnah's fury by showing. Hannah's favoritism with meals. Her fridge is full of T-bone steaks while Peninnah gets ground beef. No wonder she bullied Hannah!

There were a whole bunch of terrible assumptions also impacting this story. Hannah's mental health centred around Hannah believing that her self-worth was tied to her fertility. Today many people still struggle with that, but Hannah's culture taught that women's duty was to the survival of the tribe. Her faith taught that God chose when to make women fertile and if she couldn't get pregnant with a male baby in that patriarchal society, God didn't love her. Bad assumption there. Eli, the priest, assumed that Hannah was drank when she prayed. This might seem like an odd assumption but St. Augustine thought that St. Ambrose was odd because he read silently, and in the 18th Century, the new fad of reading silently in bed at night was seen as scandalous and immoral! So Hannah, praying silently, was a real oddity in Eli's experience.

She had poured out her deep pain and anguish to God. Interestingly, her pain and anguish was not about the bullying, it was about her core wound, her sense of her own flaws, and her belief that God had judged her as "wicked" in this translation. How many of us take our deep insecurities, our personal flaws, our insecurities and fears to God? Roger and I recently took a workshop about trauma. It's so important to understand trauma because trauma is widespread in our world. And trauma often leads people to bully other people, they explode in rage, they yell or they look for ways to find control. Trauma can be any experience we've had that finds us out of control. It can be bullying, it can be natural disasters, it can be a car crash and so on, People who have a sense of being loved, or who have a safe Community, or who have a sense of connection to God through prayers and spiritual practices, are much more resilient to the trials we all face in our lives.

Hannah takes her deep pain to the temple. She prays. She talks to both God and her priest. She goes deep. This is no "how about them Oilers" conversation between her and God. And despite Eli scolding her and judging her, Hannah is able to talk to him and explain herself. She has the courage to speak her truth to Eli, and her prayers are answered.

Many of us live with trauma or fear or guilt in a way that causes problems in how we relate to others and to God. And while it may seem better to keep our trauma to ourselves, it's not how God heals, God works through us and others by the Spirit and when we bring our deep pain to God, healing begins.

Yesterday, we had a workshop to heal some of our fears and concerns around church. We talked about why we do church. This is a tough question and we practiced going deep. We did that by asking why. Just as Elkanah asked Hannah, "Why are you crying, why won't you eat, why are you so upset," we asked each other "why are you here, why do you keep coming back?" Just like Hannah, we didn't waste time blaming others, we dug deep into our personal stories and the difference the United Church has made in our lives. This is what we found at Barrhead United together:

Church helps us with our emotional stability, it’s a place where we are accepted and included.  It gives us a focus for the week, it gives a save inclusive space where we find respect for diversity, where we find a community of love that focusses on the spiritual in thoughtful ways.

That’s what Hannah found when she went to her temple too, and it empowered her to name her deepest pain and find healing and comfort for her life.  May we continue to have Hannah's courage, tenacity & spirituality to grow our faith and our church. Amen.