What do you
do when you can’t get along with the inlaws?
This is no facetious question. In
the October Broadview magazine there is an article of the high cost people experience
when they are estranged from their families.
Jacob became estranged from two different families in his life. The first was his birth family after he
cheated Esau and Isaac, his brother and his dad. The second was his father-in-law Laban. Modern readers might say that turnabout is
fair play, for Jacob, the con artist, learned the hard way that it’s not fun to
be conned.
He had trusted
that his father-in-law would treat him fairly, which surprises me, given how
his wedding day went. For those of you
who missed last week, Jacob planned to marry Rachel, but Laban switched brides
on the wedding night and Jacob got Leah instead. It sounds like a case of fool me once, shame
on you, fool me twice, shame on me. And
we don’t know Laban’s side of things.
Was he intimidated by this strapping young man who impressed the neighbors
with his care of the livestock? Did he notice
that Jacob was able to breed sheep to whatever color was needed? Was he impressed that Jacob was able to keep
four women happy (there’s that biblical marriage from last week!) and have 11
sons?
We don’t know. We do know that Jacob got fed up with all the
shenanigans, and lost trust in Laban. He
realized that it wasn’t fun dealing with someone who would trick him at the drop
of a hat whenever he felt like it. He
also recognized that even though they were family, the disrespect he was
experiencing from Laban and his sons was getting to the point where he was
worried about being accused of theft of the livestock. In the bits we didn’t read, after Laban stole
the speckled and spotted livestock, Jacob carefully selected what stock he
would breed, and rebuilt the herd Laban had stolen.
He ended up
with a sizable striped and spotted herd and gave all the credit to God. He wasn’t happy with what Laban did, but he
was faithful to God and did not use trickery to get even with Laban.
Jacob’s
resolve to play fair must have been sorely tested by all this. He had, after all, been used to getting his
own way as a child and choosing the straight and narrow is not easy. He kept to his resolve to honor God, to trust
in God and to play fair. Be
trustworthy. Keep being thankful.
But he did
something even more astonishing, certainly something that his father and his
grandfather didn’t do. He asked his
wives for their opinions. Up until now, women
weren’t consulted about anything. Sarah
hadn’t had any say in where she would live when Abraham was wandering around
from place to place, and Rebekah hadn’t even seen Isaac she was going to marry,
only his wealth. Jacob asked his wives
what they thought before he made a final decision. He respected their opinion and knew it would
be difficult to leave their father and brothers for a one-way trip to a strange
land. They were ready to go. They recognized that their father had seen
them as only a bargaining chip, and not as humans in relation with them. They were tired of being treated with
disrespect and they were not averse to leaving his shenanigans behind. No more wheeling and dealing in their
households. Or almost – but you’ll have
to read the next chapter yourselves to see what trick one daughter pulled on
her dad.
Giving
thanks when we are facing family estrangement or broken trust or hurtful
relationships is not easy. Some days we
must walk away from unhealthy behaviors.
I am very proud of your church council who set a goal of Zero tolerance
for negativity, gossip, triangulation and unhealthy communication
patterns.
Tim McKenna
suggested that “We encourage optimistic, positive attitudes and communication
styles so that we all have fun and live longer.” Jacob would have agreed with that idea.
Being thankful
at all times was brought home to me by a speech I heard this Wednesday at Toastmasters. Alfred Beaver shared a story with us that had
us all thinking. He gave me permission
to share that story here today. Alfred
had a brother, named Archie, who was born with a unusually large head. The doctor suggested that the baby be taken
to Edmonton to live in a hospital or group home of some sort and said that the
baby probably would not live to see his first birthday. Archie was never able to walk, but he was able
to talk and lived into his twenties, despite medical predictions to the contrary. Every year Alfred’s dad would hold a feast on
Archie’s birthday, in gratitude to the Creator for Archie’s life. When Archie was starting to fail, the family
was summoned to his bed. Archie told
Alfred, “you can walk, you can talk, you have two good hands and two good
feet. You can leave this room and go
wherever you want. I have never left this
bed my whole life, and I am thankful for my life and my family who care for me. And yet I have never heard you say, “I am
thankful for what I can do.” Archie died
shortly after that visit, and Alfred never forgot those words. Their dad continued to hold a feast on Archie’s
birthday in thanksgiving for the life and the wisdom of his son.
So what are
we thankful for? How can we say thank
you? May we find ways this busy weekend
to stop and be thankful for our hands and feet, our wise friends, our
trustworthy family members, and our God who loves us no matter what.
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